The Worst-Named Gadgets of 2013

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What’s in a name? Would a MacBook Air by any other name feel as light? Actually, maybe not. In the consumer electronics world, perception matters, and if you give your product a stupid name, you can create confusion or, even worse, lose the respect of your potential customers.

While we’ve seen some good product names and others that were just forgettable in 2013, these 10 products left us scratching our heads and wondering, “what were they thinking?”

Razer Kraken E-Panda Hooligan Headphones

Release the Kraken! This pair of headphones is named after not one, not two, but four unrelated things. We know that Razer is the brand name that invokes images of a blade, that the Kraken is a creature from Greek mythology and that a hooligan is someone who gets into drunken brawls at soccer games. But what the heck is an E-Panda? Is it a panda that’s addicted to ecstasy?

 Officially, E-Panda is the nickname of Bruno Mars’ brother and drummer Eric Hernandez, but how many people actually know that? And how many actually care?

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CyberpowerPC Zeus Hercules

New rule: You get only one Greek god per product. CyberPowerPC's Zeus Hercules is a powerful gaming laptop for sure, but not even an 8-core workstation with dual graphics cards deserves this kind of arrogant appellation.

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LG G Pro Lite Dual

Unless you’re Yahoo Serious, oxymoronic names just don’t work. Would you buy a phone named the "Expensive Cheap" or the "Strong Weak?"In the gadget world, the word "pro" generally means "high-end," while "lite" means cheap and scaled back.

LG obviously wants users to associate its budget-oriented smartphone with its flagship LG G Pro, even though the new phone has a low-res, 960 x 540 display and a sluggish CPU. However, the company doesn’t want to confuse you, so it throws the word “dual” at the end of the name, because clearly everyone knows that indicates a dual-core processor.

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Apple OS X 10.9 Mavericks

Apple had a good thing going with its Mac operating systems when it named them after cats. Who wouldn’t want to upgrade from “Snow Leopard” to “Mountain Lion?” Unfortunately, the company decided to call OS X version 10.9 “Mavericks,” and claims that it’s named after a surfing location in Northern California. However, when most people hear “Mavericks,” they think of the McCain/Palin 2008 ticket. If Apple is going to stick with the theme of failed presidential bids, its next version could be OS X 10.10 “Dukakis.”

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Alcatel One Touch Fierce

Unless you get a special dispensation from RuPaul, you don’t get to call yourself “fierce” when you can only connect at 3G speeds. Despite lame features like a 960 x 540 screen, last-generation connectivity and a ho-hum 5-MP camera, Alcatel chose to label its bargain-bin handset the One Touch Fierce when it should have been named the “Tame.”

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The EFUN Touch 8 aPen

The EFUN company’s name has always been more ridiculous than its bargain-bin tablets. However, the folks behind the redundantly titled Nextbook Next3 really outdid themselves in 2013. A unique peripheral that turns any laptop screen into a stylus-capable touch screen, the Touch 8 aPen sounds like the punch line to a children’s joke. Why was the pencil afraid of touch? Because Touch 8 aPen!


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Toshiba Excite Pure Tablet

Who doesn’t want something pure? If a waiter asked you whether you’d like the pure water or the cloudy stuff that’s filled with chlorine, you know which one you’re going to choose. However, in the case of Toshiba’s low-end tablet, the word “pure” means lacking in features. One of the least exciting Android slates around, the Toshiba Excite Pure packs a dim, low-res screen and no back camera at all, but it will keep your wallet unadulterated with a low, $299 price.

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Oregon Scientific Meep

Oregon Scientific’s kid-friendly tablet is supposed to help young children surf the Web safely while providing age-appropriate games, learning apps and e-books. Unfortunately, all we could think of when we first heard its name is Beaker from the Muppets, whose only word is “Meep.” Unfortunately, unlike Beaker, who works as a lab assistant, the Meep is no help at all, offering sluggish performance, an awful display and a confusing payment system for apps.

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Hipstreet Titan

If you can’t go to Jump Street, go to Hipstreet. This low-end tablet brand suffers more from its awful, bombastic name even more than its tablets’ poor performance and awful build quality. The Hipstreet Titan is the worst offender of all, offering terrible battery life, a putrid display and no Google Play store. You don’t need to be an Olympic god to beat this Titan.

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HP Split X2

In 2013, 2-in-1 detachables were all the rage, with names ranging from the Satellite Click to the Transformer Book T100. HP decided to name its line of hybrids the Split, ignoring the obvious negative implications of that term. Is the company’s 13-inch laptop/tablet combo called the Split X2 because it breaks in half like an old wood board? Are the keyboard and the tablet splitting up so they can run go their separate ways? Or does this device just have a split personality?

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Author Bio
Avram Piltch
Avram Piltch, LAPTOP Online Editorial Director
The official Geeks Geek, as his weekly column is titled, Avram Piltch has guided the editorial and production of since 2007. With his technical knowledge and passion for testing, Avram programmed several of LAPTOP's real-world benchmarks, including the LAPTOP Battery Test. He holds a master’s degree in English from NYU.
Avram Piltch, LAPTOP Online Editorial Director on
Add a comment
  • Maria Says:

    I care! I am a muthafuckin HOOLIGAN! :)

  • Brian Says:

    Nothing wrong with the name, and a great OS for sure. If this is all that a PC oriented publication can find wrong with it, that's a good sign...

  • Jack Ripper Says:

    When I think of Mavericks I think of that crap Tom Cruise flick. Before you are which one I am referring to Top Gun. Yes they're all crap :-)

  • Martin Says:

    "most people" means Americans, others just Google it and never see anything about McCain/Palin.

  • Mac n PA. Says:

    I'm from the US, and think I paid a lot of attention to the presidential race. I have no memory of them being called Mavericks.
    Apples last decades of OS names were of large cats, maybe the next decade will be of California.
    I can think of many worse OS names to put on this list of "all gadgets"

  • Mark Says:

    I like Sea Lion instead of what we ended up with.

  • Don108 Says:

    Ha Ha! So true. "when most people hear “Mavericks,” they think of the McCain/Palin 2008 ticket." Wow! You're so busy, when did you have the time to survey "most people?" I could just as easily pull a "most people think of and old TV show" out of my butt, too. Sorry, Avram, snarky writing with nothing to back you up doesn't make you a journalist or even a good commentator. It just make you an a$$hat.

  • John Says:

    I hadn't thought of the McCain/Palin thing till you mentioned it. Does that even work? He was occasionally maverick but I don't recall her claiming that.

    I think Mavericks totally works. It is a magical place with great waves.

  • dan Says:

    what is a McCain/Palin? and why are we discussing a 2008 ticket at the end of 2013?

  • Jim Stead Says:

    "Claimed". Is that like you "claim" you are a writer?

  • danny565 Says:

    these are pretty bad! ha!

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