I find it fairly scary there are people using a dating site to find a lover who showers once a month, eats garbage, likes tortured animals and finds the threat of nuclear war exciting. These are just some of the answers to user-generated questions asked by OKCupid, a dating site and app with 5 million monthly users.
To be fair, the last time I dated, Facebook hadn’t been invented, much less most of today’s social networking dating apps. In my 20s, you met people — wait for it — in a bar. But I was still pretty shocked by some of OKCupid member’s queries. Once you read some of the below gems, I think you’ll probably want to run screaming to your nearest bar, too.
1. In a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting?
I have to think that the person asking this question is looking for someone who answers “Yes, it would,” not “No, it wouldn’t.” And that, quite simply, is terrifying. I hope this person has been ejected from the dating pool because they are probably the sort of person who would skin you and wear your body as a suit.
2. Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?
An obligation? Really? An obligation to whom? The world, men or a family’s honor? All of those are bad answers that make me want to smack my forehead and sigh. What’s wrong with people? And, honestly, if I’m not wearing a dress or going on a date, I’ve never considered shaving my legs to be a necessity, much less an obligation.
3. Which is worse: starving children or abused animals?
Danger, Will Robinson. Both options, I think most normal people would agree, are terrible. But those that check the box for “Neither, both are good” are seriously twisted human beings and shouldn’t be allowed in any situation where procreation might result. Thankfully, there is an option for “Neither, both are bad,” so maybe the query originated with someone who isn’t a sociopath.
4. How frequently do you bathe or shower?
Please, please, please tell me that this question wasn’t posed by someone who is seeking a partner that is okay with “Once a week or less” and who might be okay with someone who answered “A couple times a week.” I picture an army of hippies doused in patchouli, arm in arm and it makes me want to gag. If any match for me suggests we do hot yoga on a date, I’m going to assume this was posed by you.
5. Do spelling mistakes annoy you?
I must let my freak flag fly with this one. Yes, spelling mistakes annoy me. I’m an editor, and if you can’t tell the difference between "there," "their" and "they’re," please do not apply. But this question seems to suggest that an OKCupid member feels that if you can’t spell onomatopoeia, you probably don’t earn enough money to afford a night out. Talk about a gold digger, jeez.
6. Would you ever eat something out of the trash?
Um, gross. Who has been a) on a date with someone whose idea of dinner out was the plastic cans behind IHOP; or b) thinks that such a date is their idea of a good time? I don’t want to know any "freegans" (those who eat food that's been thrown away), and I hope you don’t stumble across them on OKCupid. I know the economy has hit some of us hard, but I’d rather sidle up to a soup kitchen line before Dumpster diving for my dinner.
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7. STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to...
While this is a weird question in the sense that it tells you nothing about a person’s personality, if you answered 89547, I’d probably consider a date with you. Who wants to date an idiot? Not this girl.
8. Underarms can be a hairy subject. How do you maintain your pits?
The site claims that its questions should apply to anyone. But this one is clearly targeting that same guy who wants to know if I feel an obligation to shave my legs. I don’t “let it grow, wild & free” nor “occasionally trim,” but I’ll bet there’s a manimal out there who would love to find someone who’s growing a forest. And I’ll bet he likes to eat out of the trash and only showers once a month.
9. Would the world be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?
I imagine the person who proposed this question, and who is actively looking for a partner in life, feels that the answer here is yes. And if you follow that logic to its conclusion, stupid people should be neutered. Wouldn’t it make more sense to castrate rapists and pedophiles? Now that’s a question I could get behind.
10. What do you think when you hear the word "cell"?
As a tech nerd, clearly I think of “cellular phone.” But I’m guessing the dater behind this question is most concerned with those that think “jail cell,” not those that answer “biology.” So how many jailbirds did that person have to meet through OKCupid to warrant asking this?