From mock statistics to pseudo-celeb accounts, these spoofed Twitter accounts will make you bust a gut laughing.
Not Chuck Norris
Say “Chuck Norris” to anyone under 45 and more than likely you’ll get a smile and a chuckle. Ever since attributing ridiculous claims to the roundhouse master became en vogue, there have been loads of books, articles and jokes written in the same voice. Now there are several Twitter accounts that do the same. @chuckdamnnorris is our favorite, and these tweets demonstrate why: “Chuck Norris can write with an eraser” and “Chuck Norris tells the GPS which direction to go.”
Death Star PR
Not only does the Empire’s spherical monstrosity live on, but it has a PR staff. Who knew? Though Vader and his ilk were unable to crush the Rebellion, @DeathStarPR exists “to set the record straight,” according to its feed. It offers some comedic insight on certain scenes in the saga’s history, such as this recent gem: “The truth is, Greedo wasn’t even going for his blaster. He was just getting his wallet to pick up Han’s bill.”
More: @DeathStarPR on Twitter
Kim Jong Number Un
All hail this parody of one of the world’s highest profile dictators! @KimJongNumberUn spoofs North Korea’s lack of progress and current state of affairs. The account also weighs in on issues we face here at home, like this gem that refers to the narrowly averted fiscal cliff: “In North Korea we just push people off an actual cliff.” Plus, he takes his power with a grain of salt: “I used to be an unemployed twentysomething still living at home. Now I have nuclear weapons.”
Dos Equis Man Parody
In between watching those great The Most Interesting Man in the World commercials for Dos Equis, you can stay up to date on his growing list of otherworldly accomplishments. Just follow @IInterestiing. Like the ads, this feed enhances the bearded fellow’s legend by attributing a colorful palette of feats to him, such as “A cop once pulled him over. He let the cop off with just a warning” and “He has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The grizzly bear isn’t dead. It’s just afraid to move.”
Hulk mad! Hulk smash! Hulk…intoxicated? Apparently, according to this spoof of the Marvel legend. Follow his ramblings in all capital letters and you’ll be graced with random outbursts, like these: “STUDY SAY EXPRESSING ANGER CAN ADD YEARS TO YOU LIFE! SEE ALL YOU JERKS IN 23RD CENTURY!” and “WAITRESS! DRUNK HULK HERE TELL YOU! 1776 WILL COMMENCE AGAIN IF YOU TRY TAKE AWAY PANCAKE!” The butchered grammar alone makes it worth a read.
More: @DrunkHulk on Twitter
Depressed Darth Vader
Based on the name, you might expect @depresseddarth to be a little more negative and moody, dwelling on his inability to crush the Rebellion and such. Nevertheless, this parody of Darth Vader will have you giggling in no time. “I find Chewbacca’s lack of pants disturbing” and “When Chewbacca gets chocolate stuck in his fur, he becomes a chocolate chip Wookiee” are among our favorites, and the tagline alone (“Judging you all from a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away”) is golden.
If “The Onion” is the source for absurdly funny fake news, @madeupstats should be your go-to Twitter feed for equally ridiculous fake statistics. The feed makes no pretense of being real when it states: “Weaknesses: Checking stuff.” Some highlights include, “The richest 1% of the world’s population owns 99% of its bad taste” and “FACT: Any statement that starts with the word ‘fact’ in capitals is 45% more likely to be bollocks.”
More: @MadeUpStats on Twitter
Not Jay Cutler
While he may be an enigma on the field, this feed that parodies Chicago Bears signal caller Jay Cutler is a hit in the Twittersphere. Like many of his throws, some of the tweets are out there and NSFW (you’ve been warned), while others are clean and chuckle-worthy, such as “For every touchdown I throw, the Bears will donate another zero to my new contract” and “I think Mark Sanchez could be a good quarterback if the Jets could start 16 wide receivers.” Since we’re based in the Big Apple, to that we say, “Preach!”
More: @NotJayCutler on Twitter
Not Mark Zuckerberg
When it comes to Facebook there’s a lot to poke fun at, whether it’s the company’s privacy policies or yo-yoing stock price. @notzuckerberg gets in on the fun by parodying the fresh-faced head of the social network and his follies. These tweets tickled our ribs: “My resolutions: run, eat well, honor my users. But after missing my run today, I give up. Now binging on Oreos and auctioning off your data;” and “If the Mayans were right and the world ends today, I’ll regret how I’ve handled your privacy. I’ll wish I would have breached it even more.”
“Seinfeld” is one of the most beloved sitcoms of all time, and though it went off the air years ago, @seinfeldtoday puts a modern twist on the show by providing readers with episode summaries as if Jerry and the gang were still at it. Among the many that made us chuckle were, “George, Jerry and Kramer compete to see who can go the longest at a meal without checking their phone” and “George inherits an insane number of subway tokens, can’t do anything with them. Jerry loses to Bania at Fantasy Football.”