You might say that Microsoft's OS hasn't received a fair shake. That too many people are obsessing over what's wrong with
Vista (sluggishness, annoying pop-ups, surprisingly steep learning curve), and not enough credit has been given to how it has made computing better (tighter security, easier search, parental controls). You'd be very, very wrong. In fact, you might be surprised to learn that Vista is to blame for a lot of bad things happening in the world right now. We're not sure how the OS is tied to the tainted toys from China, but we're looking into it.
1. Global Warming
Al Gore should be plenty pissed. Here we thought that gassy cows were the main reason behind the planet's rising temperature, but no, it's Vista. Why? The OS' extraordinarily long boot time of up to 2 minutes--compared with 40 seconds for Macs--means Vista machines are sucking more power for longer. In addition, Vista notebooks don't last nearly as long on battery power as XP laptops, which means they need to be charged more often. More electricity equals more turbines equals more pollution. Way to go, Microsoft.
2. Yankees Exit First Round of Playoffs (Again!)
You can blame it on the bats going dry. Or bad karma. Or A-Rod. Or, like many fans did, Joe Torre for inexplicably starting Chien-Ming Wang on three days of rest. That's the most plausible explanation to many Yankees fans, but it wasn't his fault. The beleagured manager, who has now moved onto the Dodgers, somehow didn't realize that the more post season-seasoned Mike Mussina was available. The reason? A User Account Control pop-up was blocking the Moose's name on Torre's pitching-rotation program.
3. Incessant Flight Delays
Is it us, or have delayed departures and arrivals skyrocketed since Vista launched last January? As one pilot told us, "It took Microsoft five years to upgrade from XP; why should fliers care about circling for an hour or two?" It's that kind of attitude that gives us next to no hope that this year's Department of Transportation on-time statistics will be any better than the lame 70.8 percent figure recorded for December of '06.
4. Britney Losing Custody of the Kids
The pop tart's parenting coach says Britney ignores her children and that she regularly disappears. No wonder a judge ordered that her boys will remain with KFed and that she'll only be allowed two visits per week. We know what's behind all this. Thanks to Vista's addictive Windows Photo Gallery feature Brit's obsessed with tagging pictures of paparazzi she's either run into with her Benz (or over). Gimme More!
5. Your Lackluster Sex Life
According to Cialis commercials, you have up to 36 hours to decide when to wow your partner. Yet with Vista, "The 'Wow' starts now." Now that we know that “wow” means “Wow, does it take a long time to learn to use this OS!” the word is starting to lose all meaning. Plus, there are dishes to do and CSI to watch. As a result, you've stopped putting forth any effort in the bedroom, which has been reciprocated by your bored-as-hell partner.
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